The Need to Be Heard (and How to Get Your Message Across Without Losing Your Cool)
We all have a need to be heard. And we all have emotions that need to be expressed. But here's the thing: they don't need to happen at the same time.
Let's say you're facing a problem that's making you angry. You go to talk to someone, and your anger takes over. You yell, you bring up old grievances, and you lose sight of the real issue. How effective is that? Not very, right?
Emotions can cloud our communication and prevent us from being truly heard. So what's the solution?
Release the Pressure, Then Get to the Point
What if, before trying to talk things through, you let your emotions out in a healthy way? Punch a pillow, scream into the void, or kick a cardboard box. (Even doing this in your imagination will have an effect; our brain hardly knows the difference. However, if your muscles want to feel the real thing, go ahead and have the physical experience in a safe way and a safe place; just make sure that nobody is harmed by your expression).
Releasing emotions isn't about promoting violence. It's about acknowledging and processing those feelings and allowing the body to do what it needs, so they don't control us. It's about creating space for logical thought.
Acknowledge, Release, Resolve
Here's a simple three-step process to try:
Acknowledge: Recognize that it's okay to feel what you're feeling, even if it seems "over the top." Our emotions often stem from past experiences or fears.
Release: Find a safe way to let those emotions out. This could be through exercise, creative expression, or simply allowing yourself to feel and process the feelings.
Resolve: Once the emotional intensity subsides, you can approach the issue with a clear head. Talk to the person involved, calmly explain what bothers you, and discuss potential solutions.
It's okay to express that you were angry, but doing so calmly and constructively ("I felt really angry about this, and I even punched a few holes in a cardboard box") is far more effective than letting your anger hijack the conversation.
Two Calm Heads are Better Than One
When both parties in a conflict can separate their need to be heard from their need to express their emotions, the conflict often resolves itself before the conversation is even finished.
So next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember: your emotions are valid, but they don't have to control you. Give yourself the space to feel, release, and then resolve.
