Taking Responsibility: Why Bad Things Happen
Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to have accidents, while others never get so much as a scratch? Or maybe you know someone who's been mistreated in every relationship they've ever had. What's going on here? Is it just bad luck?
While it may be tempting to blame external forces for our misfortunes, the truth is that we often play a far more significant role in shaping our lives than we realise This isn't about blaming victims – abuse is never okay, and perpetrators are always responsible for their actions. However, as adults, we do have a choice in how we respond to situations and what we allow to continue.
Unravelling the Patterns
I've never been in a car accident, yet I know people who've been in multiple. I've been mistreated in relationships, but I also know people who haven't. This got me thinking: What are the patterns at play here?
I realised that I had been making choices that invited these situations into my life. I stayed in an unhealthy marriage for over 20 years, not just for noble reasons like keeping my family together, but also because it fulfilled deeper needs rooted in childhood beliefs.
It's not always easy to admit, but we all do this. Let's take a simple example: the person who believes that "technology hates me." This belief leads them to buy a cheap laptop that doesn't work well, reinforcing their frustration and fueling the belief that technology is out to get them.
Breaking the Cycle
If something bad happens to you once, it could be an accident. But if it happens more than once, it's time to take a closer look. What are you getting out of this situation? What choices are you making that perpetuate it?
In my case, I realised I was getting a sense of strength and security from my abusive relationship. I felt like I was "the better person" for putting up with it. Once I understood this, I could start to make different choices.
The Power of Choice
We all have the power to create our own destiny. It starts with recognizing the patterns in our lives, understanding why we make the choices we do, and then choosing differently. It's not always easy, but it's incredibly empowering.
